Small Things That
After the reception and honeymoon are over, most newly married couples go through a period of adjusting their lives to accommodate another person. It’s not unusual for this to be a challenging time, since the newness has worn off and the reality of your spouse’s habits and routines is right in front of your face. How do you pick and choose which things are important and which are worth ignoring?
Let’s face it – bathroom time should really be private time. If you make a strange face when you floss your teeth or he trims his nose hairs frequently, maybe those tasks are better done in private. Nothing kills romance faster than unflattering personal grooming habits. Give each other a little space when you are both getting ready for the day and ignore the odd way he brushes his teeth. Your relationship will be better for it.
One of the hardest things for a new bride to hear from her husband is, “My mother makes the best chicken casserole!” You are thankful to his mother for being the first woman to love him, but would like for the comparisons to stop there. When your husband comments about his mother’s cooking or cleaning habits, he isn’t trying to insult yours. If you respond angrily to these comparisons, you create a difficult conflict for your husband by making him choose – wife or mother. Ignore the comparisons and find your own way to do things. In time, he won’t even remember his mother’s casserole.
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That first big argument – one of the harder parts of a new marriage – is a big turning point. It feels horrible to argue with someone you adore and just pledged to spend your entire life with. According to Emily Kensington, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Social Worker, “All marriages experience conflict. In fact, a lack of conflict in relationships likely means that issues are going ignored. Rather, it’s how couples manage differences that makes a relationship healthy or unhealthy. Disagreements are an opportunity to communicate expectations, express needs and goals, and negotiate.”
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Marriage can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life, but it does require some work to keep it thriving. Figuring out what to ignore helps you focus on the things that are most important.